Monday, April 13, 2009

kunm ideas list committee

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Ok, I'm already confused. I thought this was about the Ideas List.

I didn't know there WAS a prob with website forums.

At any rate, what E has posted here re: forums seems pretty much like what's already going on w/Ideas List, so I don't see much need for committees and discussions.

As far as what people call those who pretend to usurp the word, "Christian," while not practicing the red parts of the Bible, my experience is that they've never held back their opinions of ME, so I'm not too worried about their feelings. Christians, as in followers of Christ, wouldn't act like that as group policy. Jesus sure as hell wouldn't, and got nailed to a stick because of it. So, if they're going to carry banners at funerals that say, "God hates fags" and "A.I.D.S. is God's punishment," they're pretty much setting themselves up.

It's a very unfriendly environment for honest discussion if people insist on sniping minutiae, which has been my experience. I ignore it, as much as I can. It's not my job to educate people about their presumptions, prejudices and pretenses.

Eighty per cent of the time, the Ideas List is on topic. The other 20, it's usually still of interest to people involved in the station. Can we not just forgive the difference? How are H's posts, and my replies, on that silly house bill more egregious than J' post about the UNM press dept. closing or someone else's obit on a singer or activist? Is Ps' mention of Cs' ill family member acceptable, but mine on struggling with food insecurity not? Why? Because he's middle class and I'm not? Because he's "cool," and I'm not? If L is pissed that her program got pulled, how is that more acceptable than my post that staff deliberately put up nearly-impossible obstacles of my production for the Homelessness Marathon? It's ok for K to call out R and, basically, call him a coward on the whole list, but my post about news stories on R, the diversity of issues he knows well and articulates to media is inappropriate? RK can promote a storytelling or one-woman-show she's producing outside KUNM on the Ideas List, but I shouldn't mention my work with De Baca County's Behavioral Heath Planning Council, the story telling group I'm starting here or the Youth Radio project I'm initiating? Nl can offer AMP concert tickets, but I can't ask for used MiniDiscs? M can write how much she appreciates the labors of the staff & volunteers at KUNM, but I can't?

Please know that I'm very conscious of Z's position about me on a number of topics. I don't even know what the guy looks or sounds like But he has been UNBELIEVABLY cruel to me, broadcasting personnel business to the Ideas List (which is the first inkling I ever had that he was in negotiations with M M to have me "banned" from the web forums, apparently because they didn't like my poetry about news stories I'd heard on KUNM -- because I CERTAINLY wasn't in violation of any published policies or procedures, re: the website forums). Apparently, he's invested in perceiving me as a rather dim witted crack pot, and reminds me when he can, on the list.

The use of the phrase, "borderline crazy postings," reminded me of it again. Ah, epithets about behavioral health disabilities! How refreshing! As if people with behavioral health issues CHOOSE to have difficulty with thought processes, emotion and memory! We just sit around all day, looking for ways to freak out temporarily "normal" people, who can't be bothered to try to tolerate, understand, accept, listen to or communicate with us!

Hell, at least people are finally POSTING to the website! How many YEARS did I go there, to see nothing new had been written by anybody about anything?

If the webmasters resent the extra work of "moderating" discussion there, they could ask for volunteers to help. I'd do it.

Will we be hiring a clinical psychologist to analyse posts to the website and ideas list, to decide what's worthy? Who determines what's evidence of too large a behavioral health disability to be allowed free speech? Is behavioral health disability the criteriion for silencing people? If it is, we'll have to shut the website and the ideas list down. First, everybody has behavioral health issues. Second, if we discriminate against ONE disability, we're still in violataion of the A.D.A. THERE's your lawsuit!

People make mistakes. But, at KUNM, that's grounds for swift, severe and permanent punishment. Poor L now has a note in her permanent record about that dang radio play with 'f'bombs in it! Is there an equivelent note about how HARD L works, how DEDICATED she's been to the station, Radio Theater, the Board, the General Meeting. She even donated FURNITURE to the volunteer room! Not crappy milk crates and bean bags: REAL FURNITURE! Is THAT in her file at KUNM?????

" is an unfriendly environment for honest communication." Damn right, if you're going to get your head bit off for honest mistakes, if someone's always going to go behind your back to management, to whine that THEY don't think what you have to say is important and, therefore, you should be immediately and permanently silenced!

The ideas list can be received in digest form. I don't get it that way; I get individual posts. And guess what? I rarely get more than 5 in a day! It's not an undo amount of incoming email, on the worst of days!


I don't understand how the Ideas List is a record for posterity. I thought it was a closed list, available only to subscribers. I didn't know it was a permanent archive to be unearthed by archaeologists and grad students in the distant future. How is it "easily accessed?" We talk about LOTS of things, ALL of us, that we wouldn't particularly want out there for general consumption! That's why we talk about them on the list, before we broadcast them.

I think the KUNM ideas listserv is a valuable tool, and has done a lot toward facilitating staff/ volunteer conversation. I also think that more could be done in general to open up conversations with the community at large, but I don't think that's possible without defining some kind of terms for acceptable communication in each of these areas.

Does this mean that the list is being opened up to the general public?

How is KUNM supposed to get sued for another person's opinion? There IS a disclaimer on the website, isn't there??? There was ONE lawsuit, which was frivolous and pathetic. Nobody ever discriminated against that guy for his religion OR his politics. We (as INDIVIDUALS, NOT as representatives of KUNM) disliked him BECAUSE HE'S A JERK. Period. The lawsuit just proved it.

I smell upper middle class rules of decorum in this: Conform to our standards of "making nice," or we'll throw you out, you crazy bag lady! I don't hear any attempt to make all people feel welcomed and respected. I hear threats of punishment and banishment. I don't hear efforts at being supportive, understanding or facilitating true community building. This is what we'll do TO you, not This is what we'll do ALONG with you.

Yes, I'm different. I have severe disabilities with which I struggle on a regular basis. For this, I'm ridiculed, ostracized, snubbed, ignored, mocked and excluded on a regular basis, even at KUNM

Despite this, I am a productive and positive contributor to the KUNM community. No, I don't speak in small talk. I don't know the code words and jargon of academics, engineers, IT specialists and the upper middle class. I try to be as honest and supportive as I can of people at KUNM. Some days are better than others. I've endured threats, humiliations, verbal and physical abuse, snubs and sarcasm from volunteers and staff at the station. I didn't leave; I KEEP contributing, even though it takes me much more effort and time to contribute than it does those with more privilege than I. You have no idea how bereft, defeated and full of self hatred I've been at times as a result of my attempts to interface with people at the station who've hurt me very deeply, deliberately.And I KEEP comig back, because COMMUNITY is more important to me than a few individuals who insist on despising me, no matter what I do, how far I've come and how much potential I have for the future. They've been hinderances, not helps. And I KEEP coming back! Some things are too important to quit; KUNM is one of them, to me.

Now, we're going to reign in the off topic posts. We're going to make sure nobody is bothered with my second class babbling, antics and interference. I'm ridiculous: worthy of ridicule. In the back woods of Kentucky, TO THIS DAY, some people CHAIN their relatives with behavioral health disabilities to back porches, or lock them in cellars. They don't know how to cope and they don't have any support systems or health education to do better. I'd have thought all this book learnin' progressivism would do better, but I see it coming: FINALLY, we won't have to listen to that crazy Rogi any more! We can get her sanctioned, get it in writing in her volunteer file, get her out of this station and out of our hair forever!

I've fed some of you, cleaned up after you, listened to your worries and concerns, defended your honors, hugged you and given moral support, helped you research projects and use equipment. I've cheered you up and cheered you on. I've defended KUNM on several levels. I'm agonizing right now, because I can't afford to pledge at present. I've introduced KUNM to the War Zone in Albuquerque and the citizens of Fort Sumner. Hell, people from Maine to California are listening to podcasts and live streams from the station, because I told them about it.

But, let me post one thing that SOMEBODY thinks isn't relevent to THEIR life, and I should be bound and gagged.

I've been through this before. I see it coming now. I figured I'd better be honest and direct about my fears and concerns about this committee.

I'm blunt. I'm from Los Angeles: take too long to ask what you need, you'll be waiting your whole life. And I don't deal well with all the curliques and flourishes of abstract obfuscation; I just say what I mean. That seems to offend the HELL out of some people. Those people do ME a lot more damage with their circuitous manipulations than I do them with my direct speech. I'm tired of people insisting I conform to a dysfunctional culture that nearly killed me! Why can't Who I Am be Good Enough? Because you think Who You Are ISN'T Good Enough? How does that make ANY sense? WHO's crazy?

One Station, Many Voices: all of them upper middle class.

Sorry if I've offended, but if the shoe fits.....


The list serv has very little volume. There's seldom any "tone," that I can discern, except a disdain for Republicans and Greens.

"Just the facts" is covered by Operations bulletins, etc.

some people who are currently subscribed to KUNM ideas are frustrated with the volume and tone of this free discussion. And while I like the idea of encouraging better netiquette through training, encouragement, and community-based moderation, I have a hard time believing members of the KUNM community have the time, patience, or inclination for such.

Again: DIGEST!

I don't need someone to abridge my freedom of speech through "moderation" because someone else needs to learn patience! Why should MY patience be taxed to accommodate the intolerant?

I should be banned from the website forum because I post "too much" (it was about 1 or 2 posts per week). I should be banned from the list serv because I post too much (not including forwards of info pertinent to broadcasting), I post about 3 times per week.

Speaking of time, my comments to this group take a LOT of time, and go unacknowledged, for the most part. And my questions go unanswered.

Maybe it has more to do with the expression, "members of the KUNM community." I don't feel much "community" among volunteers who broadcast. I see individual egos with narrow-focused agendas who promote only their own interests. It's what T mentioned: I don't see people encouraging or promoting other programs or programmers. It's like none of them knows the other exists, unless they get in a territorial fight at shift change. Others of us who volunteer -- or work -- at the station become human furnishings: we only count if we directly impact a particular programmer or program. The atmosphere frequently feels elitist, exlusive, snobbish and cliquish. It's not just me who has experienced this; I've had discussions with staff, volunteers, work studies, etc. who feel like they're perceived as being in the way, under foot, distracting . . . That's not community. There's little flexibility, acceptance, tolerance, etc.

Since living in Fort Sumner, I've become much more active in the community radio community nationally and internationally. I see active and vivid discussions, within stations and about them. I see people struggling to be supportive and accommodating. I see people LISTENING to each others' needs, concerns and ideas. I see policy decisions change to reflect better the community served.

EXAMPLE: When I write to the Development Dept. at KUNM and offer to volunteer (and this has happened under 2 directors) to raise funds, I am ignored. I mean, I'm not even politely refused. How am I supposed to interpret that? I'm so far beneath contempt, I don't deserve acknowledgement? I'm just a crack pot, trying to muscle in on someone else's territory? It's rude. It happens all over KUNM.

When I write to and offer to volunteer 5 hours a week with some sort of telecommuting job, the founder writes to thank me and, a week later, a Transom teeshirt arrives in the mail, because I "deserve it, just for offering to volunteer."

M ARGUED with me about which size KUNM tee shirt I should get, after pledging last year! I think she wanted to save the really big ones for people whose money was more important than mine! I like M a lot, but come ON!

At other stations, they get permits to block city streets for craft fairs, concerts, etc. where the listeners stroll with the station personnel and build connections and share skills and information.

At KUNM, programmers and staff usually only know listener community members if they're Somebody.

EXAMPLE: The Queers prepare for their Pride Parade in or near Onate Hall's parking lot. Do we ever set up a table, give people water, have subscription sign-ups and program guides available? It's not far away; it's not hard work; it doesn't last very long. It would be fun.

I don't need Big Brother to do my thinking for me, to screen me for PC speech, to deny me access to community building.

I'll tell you one thing: since I've decreased my involvement with KUNM as "community" and increased my involvement with vivid, active, inquisitive and proactive radio communities elsewhere, I'm finding I'm getting validation, support, encouragement and real enthusiasm from my fellow community radio colleagues.

For years, I thought there was something wrong with me, because people at KUNM tended way too often to treat me like dog poop on their shoes.

Now, I see it is the atmosphere at KUNM more than it is me. Yes, I make more mistakes than some others at KUNM. Oh, well. I also contribute much-needed content. I've been a loyal supporter of the station (which is often perceived more as fanatical party crashing than as useful). My gifts are often refused at KUNM. I felt crazy: SURELY what I have to offer has value?

Yes, it does, and others in community radio recognize that.

I can show you the difference dramatically. The agenda at KUNM is frequently set by "Democracy Now" style cynicism and political correctness. It's a bummer. Even though Goodman is currently pushing her book about regular people making change, her programs are too seldom about that. They're disempowering. They instill fear, resentment, anger and distrust. They describe, in agonizing details, the problems, but not solutions.

Look at this program on WFMU:

This is a young man who grew up on computers, who's an economist, whose Jewish heritage informs his thought processes as much as any other training he has had. He believes in grass roots, "bottom up" solutions. His programs are vivid and alive. He's also about 20 years younger than Goodman and our programmers. He doesn't broadcast the same, old leftist rhetoric; he seeks viable solutions that can be implemented immediately by individuals. That's solution-based radio. Everybody is welcomed, not just the same organizations and institutions that have received some sort of secret society acceptance and get heard over and over.

KUNM doesn't need LESS discussion; it needs MORE.

Brand me as a hairbrained malcontent bag lady party crashing dim witted crack pot if you must, but I'm not wrong in this.


Ok, let's say it is I who have made the most posts. That's about 160 msgs. in about 16 months. That's about 10 posts per month. About half of those are job announcements, community radio news, etc. That means I'm averaging about 5 original content posts per month; apx. 4 of those are "on topic," and about KUNM directly.

In the real world of list servs, that's not very much content from one individual. Some list servs to which I subscribe have posts half a dozen times a day, some by the same person.

Basically, people want an email list serv, but no content generation? People only want to hear what they want to hear? I don't get it. How do we learn from each other without communication? Don't we want to learn from each other? There's so much isolation at KUNM already. I just don't think it's healthy.


Rogi, since you can recognize your own tally, reinforces my point that this particular communication forum is not representative of the some 200 volunteers and staff that comprise the station.

Most people at the station don't need to use the wheelchair ramps. Let's tear them out. Most people at the station aren't impacted by exclusive marriage legislation. Let's enforce one man/one woman marriage. Most people at the station went to college. Let's prohibit self-educated people without degrees from contributing. Most people at the station own cars. Let's tell the others how weird they are. Most people at the station live on over $1,000/month. Let's keep poor people around just to scrub out toilets. Most people at the station aren't Asian. Let's never cover stories about Asians.

Most people at the station don't subscribe to the ideas list. Let's get rid of the ideas list.

"You're not like the rest of us; we need to make a rule to keep you out. That's democracy."

I get told this a lot at KUNM. When the news room was too busy for me to get my work done, I started working in what's CALLED the "Volunteer Room." The coffee pot, refrigerator and copy machine used to be in there, before the remodeling. A member of staff COMPLAINED that I was in there, workiing! She resented me for being friendly and saying, "hi" when she came in. I was a volunteer, in the volunteer room! That, somehow, interfered with her coffee!

So, I was ordered back to the news room. The big solution? Build partitions around me and WALL ME IN! JESUS! And then, complain that I hung some personal stuff on the partitions! I was in total isolation, inside a grey cube, KNOWING it was so people didn't have to look at or relate to me. I was totally demoralized and DETERMINED to keep contributing. I put up a few things to remind me I was a worthy human being. And they complained about THAT! Other people had toys and widgets and gizmos all over their work stations!

What is representative of the station is that people choose not to participate and communicate with each other, beyond the bare requirements. What is representative is that most of us don't know what each other looks like, who we love and how we are doing.

That's a management choice: to build an atmosphere of alienation, potential "punishments," isolation, intimidation and division. The fact that so many of us go along with that as the Status Quo is really demoralizing to me.

Are we so afraid our values and priorities don't really stand the light of day that open discussion would destroy our integrity?

People who work at KUNM get SICK from it! There's passive-aggressive mumbling, not open dialogue and problem solving. There's random sniping and character assassination bombs. It's not healthy not to communicate!

I guess I'm being handed my hat.

10 posts a week isn't much, either.

Nobody replied to my questions about "Spoken Word" playlists. So I went to the "Spoken Word" discussion forum on the web site. Mine is the FIRST POST there! Nobody speaks about "Spoken Word?" What?

I SO hoped people could see the ideas list is a very valuable way we can know each other, solve problems together, discuss innovations in technology and programming, share skills . . .

It looks like what people want is to be left in isolation, undisturbed by the larger community, to persue their own thing without any interference from the rest of the people around them.

I swear, I've worked in about 10 radio stations, and I've never seen anything like this before. Well, WLOU in Louisville, KY: All canned classical music and NPR. The Unitarian Church was directly across the street. The minister held a series of concerts there. He had HELL to pay, trying to get people from the station to walk across the street with some equipment to record the concerts for broadcast! Only rich yuppies listened to that station, and they liked it that way.

Even this podunk station, out here in Portales, is more welcoming and enthusiastic toward me than KUNM.


Yes, let us, by all means, not reach out to people to communicate with them about how to communicate. That would be most inappropriate. We weren't talking about a survey of netiquette. We were talking about asking people what they want.

And let's always keep in the front of our minds that the bottom line is how we can punish people for taking the risk of communicating at a community radio station! Implied threats keep us distrustful, suspicious of each other and divided. In other words, threats keep us manageable. Heaven forbid we be trusted to manage ourselves and forgiven for honest mistakes!

No, let's never acknowledge or respect the efforts, sincerity and commitment of those pesky risk-takers who make our lives so miserable.

Yes, this is a healthy atmosphere.

Anybody who's human, who gives a damn about KUNM enough to actually have DONE something useful at and/or for the station gets to be on the list. It's not a Greek society, a country club, a klan meeting or a cloister. If you've paid in, you're qualified. Period.

Nobody should be silenced for trivial garbage! What's next? Yellow stars?

Spammers, porno promoters and hate mongers should be bounced, as if they'd ever sign up.

So, here's the real bottom line: the station's thinking about silencing people -- probably me, in particular -- and that's what we're supposed to discuss. WE get to frame it, so management can say, "We asked you to participate on the committee, but you did not. A group of your peers did. THIS is what they decided (even though they knew they didn't represent the population, but couldn't get an opportunity to ask you). Live with it or get out." Management smells like a rose; we do the dirty work. great.

Why is this about hurting people: threatening to temporarily or permanently shut them out for "chronic" behavior (whatever that means; there's been no flame wars, spam, etc. on the ideas list that's of any consequence or duration).

Why are we pretending this committee is even welomed? Sounds like Richard will make the final decisions, no matter what we say, anyway.

I thought we already had criteria for participation in the list serv.

Every TIME R says these things, I get the sneaking suspicion that this wasn't set up to be a committee, but a lynch mob, and I'm the one being measured for the rope!

Sounds like a lot of back channel complaining has been going on, and now it's time to get a group together who will justify management, lowering the boom. Don't tell me I'm paranoid, either. I USED to trust KUNM regulars, but I'm still trying to heal the knife wounds in my back!

Oh, don't take it personally, Rogi. You're being overly sensitive. Like I haven't been around this May pole before.

Do you have any idea how much courage it takes me to participate in this?

Did any of you ever consider how much pain this causes me? Do you have any idea how offensive it is? Do you know how bitter I feel that nobody is acknowledging my experiences at the station, taking them seriously and offering me support in trying to get some justice and some of my dignity back? Does kindness cost money? When did it become uncool to care?


Listen very carefully: there is nothing wrong with the Ideas List. It's there for us to discuss topics of interest to us as station community members. Subscription is voluntary.

Ops Bulletins and some other sort of bulletins -- I can't remember what; they've been used very seldom -- discuss urgent issues, and are sent to everyone. They are "professional;" one cannot reply to all.


I accidentally sent something to the List that I meant to send to R. She knows this, because she got half a dozen other emails from me, citing a programmer's violation of FCC laws, with quotes of on air programming and exact times of occurance. One of these, subject: "I't Your Fucking Life," accidentally got sent to the Ideas List. I can't see my monitor well; I'm 6 inches from it. I accidentally clicked on the list address, rather than operations' address. It was an honest mistake and I apologized to the list almost immediately. I was trying to protect the station's license; no good deed goes unpunished.

In addition, someone posted something of very dubious origins, the contents of which were sexist and ablist and not good journalism. I addressed those 2 posts, as well. By doing myself, I "outted" myself as low income and not politically correct.

I'm sure all of these generated complaints to management within the past month.

I can't even have a private conversation in the so-called, "Volunteer Room" without someone complaining to management and management dangling the threat of "further action" over my head. THAT happened during the last Pledge drive.

I have cited MULTIPLE examples in my correspondence to this body about my treatment as second class at the station.

My income status, lack of formal education and behavioral health disabilities make me a very easy target, no matter how hard I try.

I firmly believe this committee was formed to create sanctions -- particularly against me -- so that management won't have to look bad for doing it. But management won't let us ask others at KUNM what they DO want, so we must be psychic and speak for everybody -- which, of course, we can't.

I'm sure these sanctions will be formed in such a way as to be retroactive, so I can be "dealt with" as soon as possible.

I have been physically assaulted by people from KUNM twice. I am screamed and cussed at, threatened, insulted, ignored, shunned, humiliated and mocked on a regular basis by people at KUNM.

There's nothing wrong with the Ideas List. The purpose of the committee is to try to, once and for all, get rid of me. Period.

NOBODY has cited a valid reason for this committee's assembly. Nobody has explained where this sudden need to change the Ideas List came from.

The Ideas List was never set up as a "professional" list; it was set up as a list for volunteers' ideas. It's not about staff, although staff is more than welcome to contribute. And I'll mention that Marcos Martinez, former Program Director, used to curse in a good number of his posts to the list -- INTNTIONALLY, NOT accidentally, as I did.

I use the list more than anybody, it seems. J has made that very clear. I didn't realize that actually using a KUNM resource was grounds for suspicion and resentment, but this has happened to me on multiple occassions, including but not limited to: the Call In Show, the "Volunteer" room, the website forums and now the Ideas list.

R is the one who brought up taking action against "Chronic" (which would seem to refer to me, as I'm the most consistent user) "abusers." R is the one threatening -- not to welcome, educate and support people, but to punish and banish people. She is doing this as a representative of management. She tipped the hand, not I.

My reference to nooses is metaphorical; I am a poet. But I've been ganged up on before at KUNM, and I smell it now.

As to yellow stars, they started by telling Jews they couldn't ride bikes, use radios or attend classes. A thousand tiny cuts of inaccessibility and withdrawl of rights to participate.

I know those cuts. I know them well.

This committee is "suddenly" important, within a month of the posts I cited above. I'm not naive enough to think it coincidence. This committe wasn't formed right after K's tantrum at R, now, was it? K generates press and subscribers; I do not. I'm more than expendable. In fact, for several people, it would be a pleasure to threaten me, punish me, hurt me and abandon me. Someone in this very discussion knows that, very well.

I'm not making this up. I am not delusional. I'm making it very clear in my communications to this group that I'm well aware of what is happening and what I can do about it. I am not second class and I'm sick of wasting time, trying to prove it.

Management, staff and volunteers all need tolerance training. It's not my job to provide it.

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